"And we don't mean look like James Franco at the Oscars."

Marauding Gay Hordes Drag Thousands Of Helpless Citizens From Marriages After Obama Drops Defense Of Marriage Act

WASHINGTON—Reports continue to pour in from around the nation today of helpless
Americans being forcibly taken from their marital unions after President Obama
dropped the Defense of Marriage Act earlier this week, leaving the institution
completely vulnerable to roving bands of homosexuals. "It was just awful—they
smashed through our living room window, one of them said 'I've had my eye on
you, Roger,' and then they dragged my husband off kicking and screaming," said
Cleveland-area homemaker Rita Ellington, one of the latest victims whose
defenseless marriage was overrun by the hordes of battle-ready gays that had
been clambering at the gates of matrimony since the DOMA went into effect in
1996. "Oh dear God, why did they remove the protection provided by this vital
piece of legislation? My children! What will I tell my children?" A video
communique was sent to the media late yesterday from what appears to be the
as-yet unidentified leader of the gay marauders, who, adorned in terrifying
warpaint, announced "Richard Dickson of Ames, Iowa. We're coming for you
next. Put on something nice."